Trust Yourself

 

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2014 and 2015 were most definitely the most life changing, hardest and rewarding years of my life. I have always envied friends who had friends and families that were super supportive and encouraging. I grew up in a super asian family. Not that my mum was ever not supportive of my decision, but the typical stereotype of what a asian parent does, my mum was that!

Heres the low down of a typical asian parent:

You were born to be your parents most prized possession. This means you study your ass off. Holidays in high school were to only excel beyond your class mates. Which means no going out, no movies with the friends. Just extra tutoring and studying.

A typical way of growing up is having to learn a musical instrument. Either piano or violin. Of course you had no choice. Generally you get the choice to either study to be a lawyer or doctor. Then you graduate, work full time, earn lots of money, meet a partner with more of an income, get married, have children.. yadda yadda… The cycle starts again.

I got close to the typical ‘asian child’ growing up story. I graduated from physiotherapy. I did get up to working full time. I slaved my ass off for hours treating other people and hardly took care of myself. One day I woke up and was like…… I’ve always had a passion to model and act. So I asked a few friends who were ahead of me to tell me where the good courses were and boom! Before I knew it, I was loving acting class and quit my full time physiotherapy job because they wouldn’t give me the flexibility to attend classes.

I hadn’t applied to another job. I went short holiday with my then-boyfriend, came back and somehow fell into job with flexible hours, and 1.5 years later, I’m so much more happier. I have achieved so much that I ever had done before.

So back to my mum, my mum as you could imagine was heartbroken to see that I had no intention of finding a full time job anytime soon. I was crashing her dreams of being the most prized daughter. She was so ashamed that she would never tell her friends that I did modelling and acting.

I think trusting your instincts is so important. We do get so bog down that we start to doubt ourselves with what we want and our abilities due to what other people expect of us. At that point in time, I hadn’t modelled for 2-3 years. I just started acting classes and went full on to go and quit a job that made me so unhappy.

Thankfully that I trusted my instincts. I have now studied with the most amazing working actors, booked modelling and acting jobs, and just travelled to LA to do more further training, make connections.

However it hasn’t always been all roses and rainbows. My first acting school, which funny enough was where my acting passion started, had a very business minded owner who exploited the dreams of aspiring acting students. When I said I wanted to to go explore different acting schools, he said ” You will never make it if you leave this school. If I’m nice enough, I might take you back after 6 months when you regret leaving.” Talk about manipulation. Thankfully I left.

I’ve also had people say to me that I’m not “ready” to go to Los Angeles. And at that time when I was thinking of going LA for pilot season, I probably wasn’t ready. But my gut instinct was telling me to go. And thankfully I saw cheap flights to LA. I booked a 3 week trip, booked acting classes, set up meetings with managers and it turned out to be the best trip. It definitely was a life changing trip as it had showed me that I wanted to move to LA permanently, I wanted to be a full time actress and found my passion in comedy.

I was going to let what other people thought of me, and their opinions value more than what I wanted and what I felt was right.

On top of this quarter-life career change, I was going through a pretty rough relationship where I absolutely knew from day one that the guy I was dating was a little suspicious and dodgy. I made excuses, I trusted the words that he said, and I let myself go. But my gut instincts were telling me to not completely trust him. I ended up finding out 1.5 years later that he had slept with a few girls during our courting period, kept in touch with multiple girls he previously slept with, flirted with a few girls at work during our relationship, lied about a lot of things about his past, and really was not the best boyfriend material. After it had dragged out for 2 years, I finally slapped myself on the forehead and go “why didn’t I trust my instinct before?”

I second guessed myself. I somehow managed to persuade myself that I was crazy, I was being untrusting and I was possessive.

Please. I deserve more than that. So should you.

So trust your instincts. Generally it is yourself telling you to back off, or accelerate forward into something that you feel is right. Don’t let someone else’s petty agenda, words and actions dictate yours.

You are amazing and you need to believe that you can do anything. Just set your mind to it, believe in yourself and you can do it.

And if someone is telling you that you cannot do something. That is not someone that you need or want in your life.

Love unconditionally,

Me.

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