In this sex crazed world, it is especially hard to find someone who isn’t sexually active. But have you thought maybe potentially your sex life (outside of marriage) may be lowering your self esteem? Hear me out.

There are so many articles on “how sex mades you happier”, “the more times you DO IT, reduces your stress levels.” However society seem to be LESS happy, LESS content and MORE stressed. Why?

They might have forgotten to state that inside a marriage, sex is a completely healthy and beautiful thing. But outside the constructs of marriage, its only breeding insecurity, disrespect and practising divorce.

Many people get into relationships because they feel “chemistry” and that the “sex is amazing.” It is so common for people to sleep with each other within a few weeks of meeting each other. He could be a killer or a thug for all you know, but that didn’t stop you from jumping into bed with him as he’s hot. Then you’re stuck in a relationship for 3 years with a dude you knew, wasn’t good for you. You know why I know? BECAUSE I WAS THERE.

Since being celibate, these are the few things that I learnt along the way.

287473_10150738727645263_5547829_oSex outside of marriage destroys your self respect

Most guys think that paying for your meal/drink means that they have a hall pass with access to your VJJ. Actually some men don’t even pay for your meal and they seem to have this entitlement to touch you, have sex with you because they’re good looking? SERIOUSLY? Wheres the respect.

Back in the day, men courted women! You know what that means? Men took women out on DATES. They used to go to the door of the house, meet the parents, respected the parents, took the woman in a car, planned the date, paid for the date and then escorted the woman home WITHOUT touching her.

Here’s your usual date nowadays: meet them in a bar, have a “drink”, get wasted on drinks that you paid for, went back to their place and had sex with them. Oh maybe a year later, if they realise that you’re potential wifey material then you can meet the parents? WHAT?

First of all, where is the respect for yourself? If you put your price tag as $2, he’ll treat you like that. If you are a diamond which is worth $1000, you’ll be worth right that. And if Gazza doesn’t want to pay up, then MOVE ON. There are plenty of good looking men.

I used to be in the boat of “I’ll never find a good looking man who just respects women.” Yes, I’m still single by choice, because God hasn’t sent my man. But not kidding, I know GROUPS of fine looking men who treat women with respect and like they are a diamond. And they’re single. They are out there! Stop settling.

Sex outside of marriage plays with your emotions.

So many women I know are stuck in relationships where they knew the guy wasn’t right for them from the get go. But because the “sex was amazing” or in a spiritual sense they had soul ties with, these women would stay with these men. Then they either find out that the men weren’t as good as they seemed they were, or the men who they were with ended up not knowing whether they wanted to marry them or not. Women would be strung along for years of an empty promise of marriage, when the male would be saying to his friends that he never saw marriage on the table. Even worse, they’ll marry a guy they knew they weren’t happy with and end up being more unhappy with this guy, and then end up having a kid with this guy they are unhappy with hoping it’ll make them more happy, but it won’t.. you get the picture.

Abstaining from sex is super important for seeing the person for who they really are. The other persons issues and flaws will come out a lot earlier, and quickly you’d be able to decipher whether you want to stick it out, or move on.  Because there is no physical contact, all you have is communication. You’ll also very quickly realise how flawed you are, and how much work that needs to be made in you. Its a very humbling experience.

Abstaining from sex, gives you power.

It empowers you to be treated the way you want to be treated, it shows a man you respect yourself and he needs to respect you.

I find that men or women who have needed multiple sexual partners usually are covering up a pain.

Woman who have been abandoned, rejected early in life can either lean away from men or lean into men. Women either don’t trust any man at all, either get dependent on another man or think they are a man so they have sex like a man. Either all are very hurtful.

Same as men. As generally, Men who have been abandoned or rejected in their childhood or been hurt by another woman, would either treat women with no respect at all, sleep with multiple women to feed their egos from being hurt or broken by, or don’t have sex at all.

Women and men use sex as a way to feed their egos or mask their insecurities. Either all. If you say you are confident and have no insecurity issues, then I challenge you to be able to have be confident without having a sexual partner 🙂

Sex outside of marriage gives you diseases.

I used to have multiple sexual partners. How many times I was worried I was either pregnant or had a STI. Most frightening of all, I was sleeping with a guy who I didn’t know was cheating on me. We weren’t using protection as we were in a long term relationship. Low and behold all the things he might have bought to me from sleeping with other women behind my back. And you say this isn’t you. But I know SO MANY women who are having unprotected sex (without a condom) because they are on the pill.

Our body gives us diseases because we weren’t made to have multiple sexual partners. STI were passed on because people were having sex outside the confines of marriage.

Abstaining from sex makes you find the right person a lot quicker. 

As they say, you attract who you are. So if you a whole person, whose fully healed, who knows who they are as a person, you will attract someone who is just that. 🙂 Not saying that you won’t meet a few bad eggs on the way, but you’ll be able to quicker decipher between the bad eggs from the good eggs.

Staying away from sex outside of marriage will be good for your spirit and soul.

If you don’t know what a soul tie is then I might do a blog about it later.

Basically a soul tie, is you’re soul and the person who you have sex with’s soul is tied together and you become one.

And the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh.
(Mark 10:8)
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh
(Ephesians 5:31)

The problem with soul ties and today’s society is that, if you have multiple sexual partners, you are tying with them as well as they are sleeping with. Think of a tree diagram. So you are carrying what that person is carrying, as well as every person you have slept with, as well as who they are sleeping with!

It’s dangerous because you don’t know where people have been. They could be dabbling into magic, the occult. That’s why people find it difficult breaking up with someone after they’ve had sex or sexual relation (yes that includes touching).

Thankfully you can break your soul ties by fasting, prayer and in the name of Jesus. But they are very real!

So seek why God made you and who he made you into. God made you as a child of God. He lives within you. Do you think you would be happy selling your daughter/son off to just anybody. Then why would you think God would want the same.

You’re body is sacred. It is valuable. And thankfully in the name of Jesus, we can be washed clean until we meet our godly spouse.

So I ask you to challenge what society has taught up to now. Has it worked? Have you been heartbroken?

Love unconditionally,





2 thoughts on “SEX

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